Kill Your Husbands by Jack Heath

Author:Jack Heath [Jack Heath]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2023-10-05T00:00:00+00:00

LAST SATURDAY

DOM

Why was Dom nervous? He’d had sex hundreds of times. On top of that, he juggled millions of other people’s dollars for a living. He drove expensive cars around sharp bends at dangerous speeds. His appetite for risk, as the business books put it, was high. He and Felicity had that in common. She’d tell new jokes on stage, knowing half of them would bomb. When Dom took her out for dinner, she always ordered something she’d never tried. If they were alone on a beach, she would strip naked and dive right in.

But this was different.

They’d all discussed the logistics of the partner swapping—or, as Felicity insisted on calling it, the Secret Santa Sex. The lights would be switched off. The men would spend five minutes on the deck while the three women—Felicity referred to them as Ho, Ho and Ho—each chose a bedroom to wait in. The men would come back inside, select a room and enter. Each man would sleep with whoever he found, even if he suspected she was his wife. No one had come up with a good way to avoid that possibility, and no one had dared try too hard in front of their partners.

Afterwards they would take turns in the shower, in a complicated schedule based not on name but on gender and room: East Downstairs Bedroom Man, followed by West Downstairs Bedroom Man, and so on. There would be no talking, either during the act or in the years to come—what happened on the mountain would stay on the mountain.

It was an exciting plan. But as Dom sat on the dining chair in the downstairs bathroom, letting Felicity cut his hair short to match Cole’s and Oscar’s, he couldn’t shake off his sense of unease. ‘Are you sure you’re okay with this?’ he asked her.

He thought he felt the clippers hesitate for just a moment before they continued buzzing up the nape of his neck. ‘I think it’ll be fun,’ Felicity said. ‘Why?’

‘It could also ruin the weekend,’ Dom said. ‘Make everything weird and awkward.’

‘That’s true. But you only live once.’

He was acutely aware of this. His father died last year after taking too much warfarin. His colleague had been felled by a stroke. A neighbour had recently been killed in a hit-and-run. It felt like death was circling him.

‘In one of my business books, there’s a chapter about the explore–exploit trade-off,’ he said. ‘Apparently you should explore when you’re young and exploit when you’re old.’

‘Those aren’t business books—they’re just self-help books that happen to be written by men.’ She massaged his shoulders. ‘Are you thinking you’re too old for sexcapades?’

Dom smiled. ‘Never. I’ll still be trying new things with you when we’re in aged care.’

‘Just think how many new positions could be opened up by a walking frame,’ she mused. ‘Or one of those beds that tilts up and down.’

He laughed and closed his eyes, his muscles turning to butter under her fingertips.

‘Is it the thought of me with someone else?’ she asked, a little nervously.

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